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Q1. What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A1. Sexual harassment.

Q2. What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A2. $3.99 a minute, and that’s at discount rates!

The next young lady scored a 9, but the bartender gave her a 5.
“A 5? How can you give her a 5?” the three guys asked. “She’s gorgeous!”

Then a stunning blonde walked in.
Our three judges nod and say in unison, “10!”
But the bartender only rated her a “6.”

“A 6!? No way!” protest the three guys. “What scale are you using?”
“The Budweiser scale,” the bartender.

“The Budweiser scale? What the hell is that?” asked the three guys.
The bartender explained, “That’s the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her!”

The Budweiser Clydesdales are a group of Clydesdale horses used for promotions and commercials by the Anheuser-Busch Brewing Company. There are six “hitches” or teams of horses, five that travel around the United States and one that remains in their official home at the company headquarters at the Anheuser-Busch brewery complex in St. Louis, Missouri, where they are housed in a historic brick and stained-glass stable built in 1885.

There are eight horses driven at one time, but ten horses are on each team to provide alternates for the hitch when needed. Assorted Clydesdales are also used as animal actors in television commercials for Budweiser beer, particularly in Super Bowl ads.

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish?”
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No.”
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, “You finish?”

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, “No, I Norwegian…and I think I love you…”

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for a 57-year-old.
We drank a bit, and a had a bit of a snoggle and she asked if I’d ever had a Sportsman’s Double.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It a mother and daughter threesome,” she said.
I said, “No.”
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: “Mum, you still awake?”

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

He turned to her and said, “What a coincidence. This is a special day for me; I’m celebrating.” cash advance loans ?? something th?t ??? ?h??ld take advantage ?f b?????? ?t ??n give ??? financial aid. Aside fr?m ?t’s capability t? ?????t ??? w?th ???r monetary concerns, ??? w?ll b? overjoyed

“This is a special day for me, too, and I’m also celebrating!,” says the woman.
“What a coincidence,” says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, “What are you celebrating?”
“My husband and I have been trying to have a child,” she replied. “Today, my gynaecologist told me I’m pregnant!”
“What a coincidence,” says the man. “I’m a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile.”
“That’s great!” says the woman, “how did your chickens become fertile?”
“I switched cocks,” he replied.
“What a coincidence,” she said.

A physician claims that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies; and if you don’t know what a colonoscopy is, be grateful, hehehe! Instant payday loans don’t impact the credit score of an individual if the loans are refunded on time; multiple open accounts and consumption of credit can affect the credit score while applying credit cards or availing personal loans.

1. “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”
2. “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
3. “Can you hear me NOW?”
4. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
5. “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
6. “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
7. “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…”
8. “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
9. “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”
10. “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
11. “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
12. “God! Now I know why I am not gay.”
And the best one of them all…
13. “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there.”

Q2. Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A2. Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q3. Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A3. It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Q4. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A4. When she starts a sentence with, “A man once told me…”

Q5. Why do men die before their wives?
A5. Because they want to.

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Her friend replied, “Yes.”

“Was it good?”

“No, it was a disaster. My husband came home, wolfed down his dinner, jumped on top of me, finished in four minutes, rolled over and fell asleep. How about yours?”

“Oh, my night was amazing! When I got home, my husband took me out for a romantic dinner. Afterwards, we took an hour-long walk. When we got home, he lit candles all around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. Then we had an hour of fantastic sex, after which we talked for hours. It was like a fairytale!”

Meanwhile, in another room, their husbands were also talking.

“Did ya get any last night?”

“Yep. When I got home, dinner was on the table. We ate, screwed, and fell asleep. It was perfect! How about you?”

“Yeah, we did it, but it was horrible. The electric company shut off our power ’cause I didn’t paid the bill so we had to go out to eat. She ordered a meal so expensive that I didn’t have enough money left for cab fare home, so we had to walk for like an hour! And since the power was off, I had to light candles just to see. I was so pissed that I couldn’t get it up and then I couldn’t get off for another hour. When I finally did, I was so bummed that I couldn’t fall asleep and my wife just wouldn’t stop jabbering!”